Work and Life

Originally I started writing this blog entry and it was going to be all about creativity.

I trashed it.

It wasn't creative enough.

While I was writing it though I was having a hard time getting my thoughts in line. I would start talking about how creativity is so stifled in adults and why that is and it would always lead back to where I was in my life. That wasn't suppose to be the point. I was trying to figure out why adults aren't allowed to be creative, but as children we are. I wasn't trying to make a commentary on design work...really I wasn't. It wasn't even about design at all, just creativity and how we are suppose to live our lives as adults.

And that got me thinking...my birthday is coming up...and the ol' question "is this where you thought you were going to be at this age" was broached.

uh...is I dunno a good answer??? Seriously and honestly I didn't think I would live to 30 so, now that I am past that age everything is a bonus:) Not that I was going to take my life by the big 3-0 or anything like that...I just didn't see myself at that age. I had no dreams or aspirations. Up until I was about 18 I really didn't have anything to look forward too. I had a great family don't get me wrong, but outside of that, I couldn't anticipate my future.

And I liked to drag race cars....which can be dangerous, so I just saw myself going up in a ball of flames in front of an adoring crowd...just me and my MC...racer x racer x...

But, maybe that outlook is why I became an artist. Or maybe its because you can be an artist without anyone around...or maybe its because of the two. But, the mundane question of are you where you want to be, made me think of why I be what I be.

I went back over the piece I was originally writing and something that I have realized long ago, but have been ignoring, resurfaced.

Whereas I sit at this box all day and create work for people, I don't really do anything creative for myself. What happened to the days of doodling or coloring? I've always been envious of people in art classes, but now I look around and I realize I'm envious of children.

Hey, I'm not saying I want to 8 again. NO THANK YOU. I hated the social ramifications of my childhood. Or that I want a child...thats a whole blog unto itself. But, I look at children and I see that they are allowed to look at the world in wonder, not distaste. They can take in their surroundings in amazement and joy and let their imaginations run wild. If they want to put a purple line on a piece of paper and call it a flower, they do. And they are applauded for it.

Why, as adults, does that purple line now have to mean something? Along the journey of life, when did someone make that purple line a line in the sand that we are forced to cross in order to be an adult????

And when someone wants us to cross that line back again and open our imaginations, we are told to think outside the box. Well, maybe we shouldn't be putting ourselves in boxes in the first place.

So, even though this blog did partly turn into my dissertation on creativity, it is really 2-fold. I be what I be because that is who I am. I am creative. I've been fighting off adulthood for years! There is still that wonder and awe inside of me. Every now and again it gets out, but someone or something always ridicules it back into place. Seriously, I wear a fake wedding ring so people will stop telling me to grow up and get married. How ridiculous is that???

I could go on, but I will give you a break from reading now. I am so long-winded...what the hell? Is that from working alone or is it a family gene?

Anyway, I have decided to do something about this bottled up wonder. Well, not quite. I figured by my b-day I will figure something out. I want to take the next year of my life and see how I can devote a portion of this time to the creativity and wonder stuck inside. Maybe its as simple as coloring in a coloring book everyday, or taking 5 minutes to doodle a day.

I'm not sure, but stick around and see what happens.

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